barbara walters just said penis...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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