I love black thongs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
