Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
