i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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