somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
