I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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