You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
