is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
