I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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