very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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