last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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