I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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