U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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