it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
