I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
