the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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