Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
