On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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