No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
