Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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