Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
