Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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