I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
