Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
