Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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