a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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