i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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