I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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