Your face is a jimmy john
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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