Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
