Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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