bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
