Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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