just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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