At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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