if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
