I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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