my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
