theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
