I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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