I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
