i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
