White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
