I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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