i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
