When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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