You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
