He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
