I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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