glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
