i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
